The Cross

I have been on a journey to the cross. I accepted the cross many years ago as my ticket to heaven. I believed that Jesus died to forgive me of my sins so I could go to heaven. And even though this life had crap laced throughout everyday, I would have real peace and joy when I left this place and returned to my father. The enormity of this deception has awoken me this morning. I died the day I accepted Jesus. Each time I took His throne to focus on and glorify my self, I was dismissing the work He did for me that day. He died for all my sins, the life I tried to live FOR God, all the work I did to save others, my frailty, every act of evil I wrought upon others through my deceived heart, every imperfection I tried to correct, all of that died along with Him on that day. Satan has labored to have me believe that what Jesus did on that day was not enough to make up for others faults. The entirety of the work He did on the cross for me I was blind to until this day. Sure I saw glimpses of it, hints that there was more to my earthly walk, but the full impact of it is now upon me. Satan has for years had me bound in the self-pitying walk of focusing on my struggles here. I have been mired in the self belief that I was here to learn the lessons God needed me to get, so I could be used by Him. God doesn't want to use me, I am dead. He wants to live through the earthly vessel that resides here on this earth so others can share in the experience of His love that I received full access to on the day I accepted Him. A love I have had stored in my heart, tucked away, only occasionally to be requested when my own resources ran dry. I see now how patiently He has planned and waited for this day for me to recognize the emptiness and futility of the life I have embraced. Any love I would give another in my own flesh would only leave them wanting more. I am an imperfect vessel unable to really love anyone but myself unless Christ is living through me. It is only His love and healing touch that can change the world.