Poisoned Apples

What are my poison apples? God has been challenging me to listen to my body as of late. What? I have already given Him my ear, now I have to listen to my body? He has been dealing with me on areas of control and eating is one of those. I began to look at how and why I eat certain things.

So I know I have always had a problem with sugar, so I chose to start there. I would choose sugar first before other healthier options. The most success I have ever had dieting was when I followed a diabetic diet. I stumbled along a website called radiant recovery that talked about sugar addiction and ways to reset the body biochemically with vitamins and eating patterns. The addiction ranges from sugars and carbs to alcohol or drug addiction. The more I read the more I saw my self in the behaviors associated with the condition. I was as addicted to sugar as any alcoholic or drug addict, I have tried many times to stop under my own power and have failed. So thank you God for leading me to that information, it has changed me.

It explained the chemical reaction the sugar sensitive body goes through when it has sugar(even artificial sweeteners), alcohol, caffeine or white flour. I ran across a funny saying. Sugar, caffeine and white flour are refined from a plant, they can't be bad, its natural. Cocaine, heroin, alcohol and many other deadly things are refined from natural plants as well, that doesn't mean they aren't poison.

Flour was not a problem since I don't eat wheat of any kind. I already knew that was poison Apple #1. Give up COFFEE, NOOOOO! I like coffee. Okay God, I'll try, even though I have tried before and failed. I read somewhere that if multi-vitamins and b-complex were taken each time I began to feel the affects of caffeine withdrawal it would keep the headache at bay. It only took 3 days to rid my system of the drug and the headache was kept at bay with vitamins 3 times a day. I realized if my body had that bad of a reaction, caffeine probably was a poison. Apple #2, gone. I don't want to bite that apple again. SUGAR, hmm.

Here is where I had the argument with God. God, what's wrong with sugar? It's not poison, it's good, it makes me happy. If your body says its poison, for you its poison. I realized I was trying to be god in trying to hold on to something that made me happy, and take control over a body God created. Maybe snickers bars don't work in my gas tank any better than they work in my car's gas tank. Okay God, I've tried before so you will have to take over here.

I was up for an experiment. I began taking DMG, a (b-vitamin), to help stabilize my craving for sugar. From the first day of no caffeine and taking this supplement, I have not needed or craved sugar of any kind. Sure I have had sugar, it is hard to avoid, but there is no trigger to want more. No sweeteners, no alcohol, no reaching for a candy bar at the store, poison apple #3. GONE. Thank you God, I know none of that was from my effort. No amount of self control or will that I have tried to engage in the past has ever brought me to the freedom that listening to the body you designed has given me.

Listening to God through my body that He created, instead of listening to my own misguided reasoning when it comes to health, is better for me. Don't have it down yet but at least I am walking down the path with God.

Broken is Broken

I know its been several months but God is up to something big these last four months and my head is so full all day long, I don't know how to write it down. God is taking me and turning me upside down and inside out. My husband says I'm "out there". Well if I'm with God I am cool with being out there. God called a party tonight at 1 am, I was the only invited guest and I will share with you some of our conversation.

Many people close to me seem to be struggling with brokenness lately. For some it is their own brokenness, and for others it is the brokenness of people close to them. Either way I have experienced that we all are actually dealing with the reality of our own brokenness. As I have looked at my own brokenness, I realize I must choose one of two paths. Path #1 Stop and listen to what God has to say to them about their reactions to the situations. Path #2 Grip tighter to my belief that I am in control and can provide for my own emotional needs.

One comment during this time really struck me. "I am just glad my friend isn't as broken as your friend". What a funny comment, I was so thankful for it. It allowed me to see I might compare myself and others to determine if someone is acceptable. God quickly let me see the reality of the society we live in where people don't experience His unconditional love, but rejection from one who calls themself one of His.

BROKEN IS BROKEN there are no degrees. I may be able to hide some flaws better than others, but it doesn't change the fact I am broken. I am not functioning as I was designed if I am trying to get ANY of my needs met under my own power. If I look at another human being and believe they are more broken than I, I am deceived. Every man is born self focused, struggling to meet their own needs. Without Jesus, I am left to being my own god.

The only way to operate in a completely flawless condition is to acknowledge that I am unable to be my own provider, protector, healer, my own god. To step aside and leave behind the path of idolizing myself and my opinion about what is wrong with me or someone else. I need only to hand myself over to the one that knows all of my complexities, knows how I was designed and for what I was purposed. Allow God to be God and no one else.