Sinking sand

My whole life has been built on the wrong structure. I thought I had built my foundation on the Lord Jesus Christ. Haha, that was a deception. How about building a structure on the slippery sand of self idolatry? The re bar that laid the base of my foundation was my own performance as a "good person" to gain acceptance. A belief that I had proven myself so I was needed by God to help the poor broken people that did not know the things I knew. Oh the pain of realizing how important I am to myself; the wasted years I spent trying to earn the right to be good enough for God.

Again I see, no man is more broken than another, some of us are just more willing to lie to ourselves about our own importance and true purpose. I realize it was only in that selfish idolatry of myself that I was operating. And God patiently waited, and He still accomplished His will in spite of my selfish rebellion. He understands how it all works together, I do not. I believe I cannot, and that is why I get to rest in His arms, knowing it is well even if it feels like chaos.

He shows me all the places I am hanging on to selfish motives with gripped hands. In my unwillingness to acknowledge His wisdom and power as the better one to take the lead, I end up hurting myself and others. There is nothing I can do that would be a better idea than the way God would like to handle it. How ridiculous does it sound that I ever even considered the thought, much less how many times I stepped right up and took the reigns. In realizing this, my attempts to fix others up for God are the makings of a great comedy. Oh the sorrow He must feel as His children leap forward and present themselves as gods. Knowing they have chosen to walk this path away from Him and seeing the hardships and pain they will face as they wade neck deep in their own crap. And still through it all He tells me I am loved not for what I do, but just because I am His. Nothing else. He created me, because He wanted to know me and for me to know His love. As I come to the wonder of this, I am letting go.

And as I look at others, I see He created them, because He wanted to know them and for them to know His love as well. I delight in the freedom that I can do nothing to help another person find happiness, for that would be stepping into their relationship with their creator. God may speak through me or use my physical presence for someone to experience His joy, but that comes from Him not me. It is His party, I just get to be present. They are His gifts he is giving, I just get to see them opened. How relaxing is that, everyday can be a party if I choose to rsvp.

I see now that only God can heal me in the places I feel pain, because that pain comes from believing something that is not true. Jesus is the truth, so that is where my healing resides. And as I see others in pain, trying to find their identity through their interaction with others rather than God, I will lift them up to our creator, who knows them intimately. I bring them to the only foundation that will ever stand, the one that knows the purpose of their creation. Then we can rest together in the knowledge of His love, His power, His wisdom and the fact that His will is always accomplished.